Merry Christmas!

Yay! What a wonderful holiday.

I hope to spend lots of time with my family.

It's been a good break, but I can't help but still be stressed about school. I really need to get my butt into gear. I'm kinda disappointed in myself. I know I could do better! I'm gonna have to take every winter & summer class I can get my hands on. I know I can do it. :)

My family already opened their presents. Lots of stuff for Nikita, but I got a couple great things myself. I'm very excited for this upcoming year.

happy days!

HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY(today)

& HAPPY 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY(18th) to my one & only!

how exciting! :)

even though we're both busy bees, i've been thinking about it all nonstop! yay for being in love!yay for growing up together! brings smiles all around just in time for the holiday season. i'm definately looking forward to winter break. lots of places to go & people to see. also, new year, new job! finally got an AMAZING part time job! plus, i don't start for another month or so, so, i have plenty of time to relax! perfect! :)

'tis the season

i don't want to make a wishlist right now, 'cuz i feel like i'd already buy it all for myself.

but i do want these... LOL I WISH.

-Mad Mary Jane's Christian Louboutin

Eventful November

12 - Mae Show!

12-14 VEGAS TRIP w/ the girls <3

18 - 1 yr Anniversary with my wonderful boyfriend<3

19 - My Boyfriend's 19th birthday!!

19 - HARRY POTTER COMES OUT!!!

28 - My Older Sister's 21st birthday!!

Agreed.

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe

I've been super stressed lately. It doesn't even feel like summer. I feel overworked and too depended on sometimes. Sometimes, I just want to not have to worry about pleasing everyone around me. But that would be selfish. And when I do occassionally let my emotions get the best of me, I feel foolish. I hope to one day meet someone that I can sometimes be mad, sad, needy and clingy..(not that i usually am)...and just be me around, 'cuz I'm not perfect. And I wish the world wouldn't expect me to be.

2010 BIRTHDAY WISHLIST

Well, i had originally compiled a list of things that i would possibly like to buy for myself in the future, but Vince said my expectations were too high and i came off like a "queen". hehe

I actually don't need any of those things.

I can't think of anything!

:P

I like homemade things!
I like shiny things!
I love the colors gold and black!

there you go. <3

old school

i've been looking at all my old pictures on photobucket, and it's really brought back a lot of old memories. haha, like look at this picture. This was part of my room in my old house in diamond bar.

LOLS.

I'll give you 10 bucks if you can guess each person in the squares....there's nine!

Life is wonderful

I feel happy.

Cherish

Cherish every moment,
every smile, every kiss, every hug, every touch, every step that you take, every morning you wake, every minute that passes, every breath you breathe, every opportunity, every car ride, every joke, every laugh, every painless moment, every loving look, every cute little text, every call, every "I miss you", every sunny day, every "goodnight, sweet dreams", every hand that you hold,
every person you love.

and don't forget to say "I love you", if you mean it, so they know you care,
'cuz one day you may not be able to.

Real talk. Real love. <3

Make You Feel My Love - Adele

"I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue,
I'd go crawling down the avenue.
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do,
To make you feel my love.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea,
and on the highway of regret.
Though winds of change are throwing wild and free,
You ain't seen nothing like me yet.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.
Nothing that I wouldn't do.
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,
To make you feel my love."

Pain

I think i'm the only person I know who says "Ow." verbally out loud everytime my heart hurts a lot.
Haha

Can't have you - Jb

"I don't want to fall asleep,
Cuz I don't know if I'll get up,
& I don't wanna cause a scene,
But I'm dying without your love.

I'm beggin' to hear your voice,
Tell me you love me too,
Cuz I'd rather be alone,
If I know that I can't have you."

One-way

The worst thing you can do is not care, because that means you've given up completely.

But if your affection is not reciprocated, you can only make an effort for so long..
There is no hope in a one-way relationship.
There is no middle-ground, no peace or connection, no appreciation, no bond, no comfort. There is no love.
And when you become involved in a one-way relationship, you begin to lose yourself and your opinions, because you spend your days constantly trying to please the other.
You forget your own needs.

Is it worth it?

1..2..3..4..

Only four friends do I trust whole-heartily.

Two boys. Two girls.

Thank you for supporting me this past month and years past. Thank you for overlooking my mistakes when I could not. Thank you for always being on my side, even when i was wrong. Thank you for listening to me speak for countless hours and giving me positive feedback. Thank you for the gallons of gas, tissues, phone minutes, texts, and food spent on me. Thank you for the updates and random check-ups. Thank you for spending time with me when you could be sleeping, studying, or hanging with your significant other. Thank you for wiping away tears of sadness and bringing tears of joy. Thank you for touching my heart. I love you. I am so grateful. I am so blessed.

This morning, I was told to look out the window, and I watched the sun rise with one of my friends. Even though we're miles and miles apart, I feel like he's right here.

It's friends like this that make life so wonderful and so worth living.

What I want

I want someone who'll go on an adventure with me.
I want someone who would risk their life to fulfill a promise.
I want someone who'll truly care about me forever and not just say they will.

Ashes and Wine - A Fine Frenzy

Finally,....
It's starting to hit me.
"Don't know what to do anymore,
I've lost the only love worth fighting for.
I'll drown in my tears storming sea.
That would show you.
That would make you hurt like me.
All the same, I don't want mud-slinging games.
It's just a shame to let you walk away.

Is there a chance..
A fragment of light..
At the end of the tunnel..
A reason to fight?
Is there a chance..
You may change your mind?
Or are we Ashes and Wine?

Don't know if our fates already sealed.
This day's a spinning circus on a wheel.
I'm ill at the thought of your kiss..
Coffee-laced, intoxicating, on her lips..
Shut it out.
I've got no claim on you now.
I'm not allowed to wear your freedom down.
...
I'll tear myself away
If that is what you need.
There is nothing left to say
But

Is there a chance..
A fragment of light..
At the end of the tunnel..
A reason to fight?
Is there a chance..
You may change your mind?
Or are we Ashes and Wine?"

i really do love listening to lyrics.

I Love You

"Give me more lovin' than I’ve ever had,
Make it all better when I’m feeling sad,
Tell me that I’m special even though I know I’m not,
Make me feel good when I hurt so bad,
Barely getting mad,
I’m so glad I found you, I love being around you.

Give me more lovin' from the very start,
Piece me back together when I fall apart,
Tell me things you'd never even tell your closest friends,
Make me feel good when I hurt so bad,
You’re the best that I’ve had,
And I’m so glad I found you, I love being around you
You make it easy."

Looking Back

I should take my own advice.
Reading some of my older posts help put my mind at rest. It helps me think clearly. It's ironic how the past has played a part in my current life. It's been a burden but a comfort, all the same. The situations are all different. Some of them are even the exact opposite. But the lessons learned are similar.

I've been so disappointed in myself lately. I feel like I have no self-control. I'm not quite sure what to do anymore. How do you break an old habit? I need to change, or it'll lead to my self-destruction.

I'm just a selfish person, I guess. I was raised to be independent, greedy, and cut-throat. Born to do Business. In the end, it's all about me and my success. My confidence has always been one of my stronger characteristics. My way of thinking has always been, "If you don't like me or what I do, that's your loss." Never in my life have I had to put aside my pride for another. This way, I don't get hurt often.
But I'm older now. I'm different.

I've grown somwhat dependant on others for a happiness that I can not provide on my own. I've grown to care for others and their success in the same way I care for mine. I feel a risk on others allows others to take the same risk on me. And in the end, we'll all be a little closer and a little happier. Or a lot happier.

And it's so like me to just mess it all up.

What I've Lost

i've lost what's most important to me.

i've lost what could have been.

i've lost the one who makes me smile

&broke his heart again.

although i've lost my happiness

although i've lost my light,

i haven't lost who i am

& who i am will fight.

'cuz one day i'll find my sunshine,

was not that far away.

& although i've lost most everything

i still have hope today.