What I want

I want someone who'll go on an adventure with me.
I want someone who would risk their life to fulfill a promise.
I want someone who'll truly care about me forever and not just say they will.

Ashes and Wine - A Fine Frenzy

Finally,....
It's starting to hit me.
"Don't know what to do anymore,
I've lost the only love worth fighting for.
I'll drown in my tears storming sea.
That would show you.
That would make you hurt like me.
All the same, I don't want mud-slinging games.
It's just a shame to let you walk away.

Is there a chance..
A fragment of light..
At the end of the tunnel..
A reason to fight?
Is there a chance..
You may change your mind?
Or are we Ashes and Wine?

Don't know if our fates already sealed.
This day's a spinning circus on a wheel.
I'm ill at the thought of your kiss..
Coffee-laced, intoxicating, on her lips..
Shut it out.
I've got no claim on you now.
I'm not allowed to wear your freedom down.
...
I'll tear myself away
If that is what you need.
There is nothing left to say
But

Is there a chance..
A fragment of light..
At the end of the tunnel..
A reason to fight?
Is there a chance..
You may change your mind?
Or are we Ashes and Wine?"

i really do love listening to lyrics.

I Love You

"Give me more lovin' than I’ve ever had,
Make it all better when I’m feeling sad,
Tell me that I’m special even though I know I’m not,
Make me feel good when I hurt so bad,
Barely getting mad,
I’m so glad I found you, I love being around you.

Give me more lovin' from the very start,
Piece me back together when I fall apart,
Tell me things you'd never even tell your closest friends,
Make me feel good when I hurt so bad,
You’re the best that I’ve had,
And I’m so glad I found you, I love being around you
You make it easy."

Looking Back

I should take my own advice.
Reading some of my older posts help put my mind at rest. It helps me think clearly. It's ironic how the past has played a part in my current life. It's been a burden but a comfort, all the same. The situations are all different. Some of them are even the exact opposite. But the lessons learned are similar.

I've been so disappointed in myself lately. I feel like I have no self-control. I'm not quite sure what to do anymore. How do you break an old habit? I need to change, or it'll lead to my self-destruction.

I'm just a selfish person, I guess. I was raised to be independent, greedy, and cut-throat. Born to do Business. In the end, it's all about me and my success. My confidence has always been one of my stronger characteristics. My way of thinking has always been, "If you don't like me or what I do, that's your loss." Never in my life have I had to put aside my pride for another. This way, I don't get hurt often.
But I'm older now. I'm different.

I've grown somwhat dependant on others for a happiness that I can not provide on my own. I've grown to care for others and their success in the same way I care for mine. I feel a risk on others allows others to take the same risk on me. And in the end, we'll all be a little closer and a little happier. Or a lot happier.

And it's so like me to just mess it all up.

What I've Lost

i've lost what's most important to me.

i've lost what could have been.

i've lost the one who makes me smile

&broke his heart again.

although i've lost my happiness

although i've lost my light,

i haven't lost who i am

& who i am will fight.

'cuz one day i'll find my sunshine,

was not that far away.

& although i've lost most everything

i still have hope today.