murrrry christmas!

i miss my boyfriendd <3 & he's all up in norcal. sheeeeesh! hope he's having a lovely time with his family. :) lavvvaaaaaa.

christmas was fun. my wallet aches & now i have so many returns to make. lol

'tis the season!

an indirect "like" to KLC

"You fucking idiots, all girls want is reassurance.

Not to see you or talk to you every waking second of every day, have you drown them in flowers candy and poems, or to be obnoxiously broadcasted in hopeless romantic sickening love.

But maybe take 2 seconds out of whatever the fuck you could possibly be doing instead to maybe give a simple “I miss you” or something at even one point of the day. Imagine that, you sacrifice a couple seconds, and you’re off the hook for how many hours.

Let them ponder and smile on that, not sit and wait on you. Not that you should get extra gratitude for doing something you you should already be doing, but of course you will get that extra gratitude and that they will just fall even more, because girls care that much for some reason. I guess girls are idiots too, but that’s not my point.

Anyway, Girls text because girls care, then just wait for you to take 2 seconds and care back. That’s it. That’s all. But of course won’t mention it to you and seem psycho, demanding, or clingy, while you’re ass thinks they complain too much and are asking you for the whole entire world.

Wake. up. call. Get. a. clue.
Take. care. of. my. girls. or. else."
-KLC

AMEN, sistaaa.
i concur.

All girls want is to be wanted.

sounds about right to me.

"So this occurred to me.

There is a first love. There is an “any other” type average ex or former interest. And there is the one that got away.

And out of those the biggest threat should indeed be one that got away.
Hands down"

- KLC

nothing.

i'm not sad.
no tears. no anger.


just disappointed & thoughtful.
much to ponder.



don't you hate things beyond your control?
unfixable by your own hands?
& all you wish for is that they'll be fixed by someone capable..
but some things are irreversable. unable to be forgotten.
not meant to be changed.
& that's just the worst thing in the world.

so, i have this saying

all you can do is hope for the best,
take care of yourself, & fuck the rest.

it just came to me. je ne sais pourquoi, but it just feels right for the moment.

i found this from a post back in october 08:
"no doubt, i'm picky. but there are some guys out there that can make my heart flutter.i think that some things are just meant to be, ya know? like, i don't know why i always fall for the ones that are totally wrong for me. the relationships that can never work out. i think fate is playing a game with me. each time, watching me chase my way into a dead end. idk. it's my fault, really. but i think that people have chemistry for a reason, ya know? &that everything deserves a chance. "

haha, irony.

throwback

I ran into my 5th grade teacher today. That was always my favorite year.
I don't know, it's so ironic, because recently, I've been but thinking about high school, jr. high, & elementary school.
I wish I didn't mess up so badly.
I KNOW I could've done so much better. It's my fault though, & now, all I can do is grow from the experience.

Some things just weren't meant to work out.

As much as we try to look past all the faults that bother us, they're still there. How long can one ignore something so plain in view? Are we suppose to feel better by trying to forget and pretend that certain events never occurred? that words were not said? actions not been done? we can't.
not forever.
we have to deal with the consequences.

I've been an emotional wreck before due to the choices I've made. The risks I've taken. The chances I've wasted.
& every mistake i make still haunts me.

but i digress..

No one's perfect. & I am no exception.
To punish myself for being anything less would be pointless.
SHIT HAPPENS, & i move on to something more worthy of my attention.

chhillin

last week of summer before college.
i'm excited, & determined to enjoy my last week with some of my best friends.

i'm going to miss them sooo much!

sigh, but summers been pretty great. one of the best i've had i think.
i've gotten to spend a lot of time with people i really care about. plus, i was able to catch up with a lot of my old friends. :)

seriously, some people have really made my summer.
i've loved spending time & getting to know my friends better. ah, my friends make me smile. :)
it's nice to finally be sure of all your friends. i know which friends have my back & i dropped the ones that don't. i know who i'll miss next year, & i've forgotten the rest.

the beach was

a fucking joke. i don't even know. it was way too clique-y & the guys were juwt playing stupid sports the whole time.

i was kinda having fun but then it just got weird. whatevs. next time, i'm definately NOT inviting everybody. small group are better. for SUUUUURRRE...

i'm so moody right now. its ridiculous. i'm like...depressed/out-of-it/mad. i don't even know. i think i just need to go cry for no reason. haha, i hate being a girl. i'm probably gonna start my period soon or something..lol. dude, but seriously...i realized that i have some of the shittiest friends...and some of the best. i know who will always be there for me..like..the five & b. like seriously.that's family for me right there.
i feel like i can tell them everything. my other friends are great too, but....idk.

i can't think straight right now. i'm not in a clear state of mind.

i don't understand how some people can be so fucking shady all the time. like, it's in their nature to be sketchy. i know i'm definately not the nicest of people, and that i bitch all the time, but i wouldnt screw my close friends over. i wouldn't. as greedy as i am, i care for them way too fucking much.
i guess some people are just...socially retarded or something.
wtf. i'm pissed.
&why are high school graduates still behaving like elementary school children? like, i know we just left high school a few short weeks ago, but this is retarded. and i know guys mature slower than girls do, but wtf...i feel like i'm dealing with fucking 5 year olds sometimes. i'm really not talking about a group of people right here. only ONE person is this infuriating. people say that they change so much over the years, but honestly, i feel like i'm dealing with the same dumb shit as before.

i deserve soooo much fucking better.

like my bro, peeeej, told me...i give way them way more than they deserve.
FUCK THEM. i'm not even trying to be conceited or anything. i'm just saying that i KNOW that i deserve better, and i KNOW how i should be treated. i don't need fuckups, dickheads, or sluts in my inner circle. ESPECIALLY SLUTS. fuck you, you hoes!

seriously, wtf guys, WAY TO LET ME DOWN.

this is definately one of those "i'll probably delete this tomorrow" posts, but i just had to.

yesterday i..

saw a spider in my room.




i'm terrified of spiders.
i tried to kill it, but it escaped and disappeared behind my bed!


so i slept in my little sister's room, 'cuz she's in san diego with the 'rents.
lol.

my god

it's been 2 months already. A HA!

i can't believe i'm done with high school. IM SO HAPPY!
summer has been......eventful. i love how people on break that i dont usually get to see during the school are contacting me. summers are meant for reunions! anyways, i dont have too much to say. im outtie.

i've decided that..

I 'm officially in love with Chace Crawford.

he is gorgeous. at the moment, i'm glad he's with leighton on gossip girl. BLAIR & NATE. WOO!

i'm so wishy washy. i was pro-chuck a few episodes ago BUT i dont like the dive his character is taking.

lol <3

sorry. embarassing post is now over.

so yesterday

i cracked open my old diary.

i used to write in them everyday, but some time in the last couple of years i became too busy to keep up...whatever. my entries are very detailed. i read through a couple old volumes ('06, '07). haha, my way of thinking was completely different. I've grown up A LOT since then, even though i've got a lot more growing up to do.

but somehow i look back and miss the girl i was. but i think i really just miss the simpler life i had. every once and a while, i would write "life is so difficult right now", but i don't think it ever really got easier. i also don't think it's ever going to be easy, and although i always sort of knew that, i think i'm more okay with it now than i was before.

the best

friends are the ones who accept your flaws. and the ones who are always considerate of your emotions...are the ones worth keeping around.

it's unheard of. a guy at this age to be whining to others like some teenage girl.
FUCK YOU.

i like the friends i have who know not to bail on me, because it breaks my heart, the ones who understand and reassure my sanity in certain reasoning. the ones who don't just stand there...emotionless, as i tell them something that upsets me, although it's usually nothing at all.

i hate the ones who let me down. when i make a mistake by CHOOSING the wrong person to confide in, i feel stupid. and i loathe making stupid mistakes, though they may be inevitable.

ANYWAYS, don't be a dick. guys, you're not girls, so don't gossip and talk shit.

it's been way too long

since i've last posted.
school's been catching up to me, but i'm handling it.
hmm, waiting on college apps is killin' me! but whatever. 3 out of 4 of my bffs are now 18. dude, i have another 6 months. GAYGAYGAY. well, i'm sure ashley's bday will make up for it, since we're already planning it. haaaaa!
winter formal is creeping up on us. it's senior formal! :( i wanna go but idk who with. like, i really have no clue. there's no one that i specifically WANT to ask me, so there's no one to drop hints to, nawmean? but whatever. i'll deal with that later even though its in a month!

hm, you know what's bugging me right now?
english teachers who speak english poorly,
when people use verbs as nouns,
people who talk about themselves WAY TOO OFTEN,
&my loss of money over the holidays.
fuck xmas! :( it's too expensive.

i really dont have much to say. i'm not a very interesting person.